12 harmless (yet effective) objects to throw at carol singers

Hearing the angelic voices of carol singers outside your front door can be a lovely surprise… for those in the mood, anyway.

For those of us who are feeling crabby at the thought of tinsel and festive joy, having now been working on Christmas campaigns for the last six months, here are 12 harmless (yet still fairly effective) household objects sure to shush the singers.

Slippers

Nothing says ‘please leave’ like a slipper flying towards you through the air. Those with siblings should be more than familiar with this one. Grab it straight from the foot at a moment's notice, and remember, you still have a backup if you miss the first time.

Harmlessness rating: 2/5

Effectiveness rating: 4/5

Accessibility: 5/5

Christmas pudding

Christmas pudding is overrated. Put the pud to better use by using it to stop the noise pollution coming from the streets. Plus, let’s be honest, the way that pudding will shatter on impact is sure to be a satisfying sight. Please be sure to remove it from it’s bowl beforehand - we do not condone violence.

Harmlessness rating: 4/5

Effectiveness rating: 5/5

Accessibility: 5/5

The reef from your front door

The reef is right where you need it when you need it. Open the front door, and then hurl it like a frisbee, preferably at the lead soprano.

Harmlessness rating: 1/5

Effectiveness rating: 5/5

Accessibility: 5/5

Make use of your water pistols

This might be more suitable for those celebrating the holidays from a warmer location but would still be more than effective for those having a wintery December. Top tip: Don’t aim for the singers, aim for the lyrics. Water + paper = instant destruction.

Harmlessness rating: 3/5

Effectiveness rating: 5/5

Accessibility: 1/5

Dog treats

This next one works a bit like a grenade. Throw the dog treats, wait two minutes, and then watch as your dog throws himself full force into the crowd. Works best if you have a big dog such as a german shepherd, husky, or golden retriever. If they don’t disperse, they’ll at least be distracted for a while.

Harmlessness rating: 3/5

Effectiveness rating: 4/5

Accessibility: 5/5 (for dog owners, anyway)

Socks

Because you’re bound to get given some new ones soon anyway. We recommend folding them into pairs to make them easier for throwing.

Harmlessness rating: 5/5

Effectiveness rating: 4/5

Accessibility: 5/5

Tote bags

There’s no use pretending that you’re not secretly hoarding them like the rest of us. Again, we recommend rolling them up before throwing them into the crowds.

Harmlessness rating: 5/5

Effectiveness rating: 3/5

Accessibility: 4/5

Inflatable pool floats

Now, it’s not the most ‘easy to grab in a hurry’ item on the list, but just picture the look on their faces when they see an inflatable donut or blow-up unicorn coming their way; absolutely priceless.

Harmlessness rating: 3/5

Effectiveness rating: 5/5

Accessibility: 1/5

Grandma’s glasses

Realistically they’re missing 90% of the time anyway so if we don’t get them back it won’t be a great loss. And she has like 15 spare pairs right?

Harmlessness rating: 4/5

Effectiveness rating: 2/5

Accessibility: 2/5

The leftovers from the Roses / Celebrations / Heroes box that nobody wants

Frankly, if I saw a bounty coming towards me, I’d run a mile. It’s the perfect way to dispose of the leftover chocolate that will otherwise sit in the living room until January 1st.

Harmlessness rating: 5/5

Effectiveness rating: 2/5

Accessibility: 5/5

Christmas Cards

Word to the wise; take your Christmas cards and fold them into paper airplanes. It’s effective AND fun.

Harmlessness rating: 2/5

Effectiveness rating: 4/5

Accessibility: 5/5

Snowballs

If there’s snow on the ground, you know what to do. Just be sure to duck after you throw in case the carol singers retaliate.

Harmlessness rating: 5/5

Effectiveness rating: 4/5

Accessibility: Varying

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