The ultimate Christmas survival guide for scrooges

Calling all scrooges, grinches, and marketers. We understand that there comes a point where the lights have become too bright, the crowds a bit too crowded, and the festivities a bit too overwhelming - us marketers have been in Christmas planning mode for months already!

As a part of our alternative Christmas content series, we bring you the ultimate Christmas survival guide, showing you how to regain some peace amongst the seasonal chaos.

Drown out the cheer

Avoiding Christmas music is like trying to catch smoke. But if you come prepared with a good set of noise-canceling headphones, a can-do attitude, and our full alternative Christmas playlist then you should be ready to make contact with the outside world.

Be ready to fend off carol singers

Carol singers can be a persistent bunch, but that doesn’t mean that they’re impossible to get rid of. Make it known that you’re not in the mood for some of their festive cheer. If they don’t get the message, then we have 12 harmless yet effective household objects that you can try throwing.

Shield your eyes

Even though the days are shorter and the nights are longer, it’s still wise to always have some large and dark sunglasses on your person at all times. One can never be too careful when there are Christmas lights all around, and glitter-clad people in the streets.

Turn up the heating

One way to prevent any unseemly Christmas jumpers from penetrating your Christmas-free zone (aka your home) is to turn the heating right up. Make your guests too uncomfortable to wear layers and you won’t have to bear the sight of any light-up, glittery, festive-looking knitwear for too long at all.

A box in a box in a box

Are you looking under the Christmas tree feeling peer pressured to up your gifting game? Make your presents look instantly more impressive by simply putting your original gift in a box, and then putting that in a bigger box, and then a bigger box, and so forth.

Be prepared with alternative Christmas films

When families come together to watch a Christmas movie weigh in on the suggestions with our list of 12 non-Christmassy Christmas films to make your evening more tolerable.

Leave the turkey a little too within reach of the dog

If anybody asks, it was nothing to do with you. You’re just an innocent bystander. Buster should have known better.

Know how to dodge all physical affection

Have your excuses ready to go for when relatives are leaning in for kisses, going in for hugs, or, worst of all, trying to get at you with the dreaded cheek pinch.

Seal your letterbox shut

As a preventative measure, find a way to close your letterbox and make your mail carrier’s job to deliver your Christmas post impossible. It’s nothing personal against the mail carrier - it’s just self preservation.

This chimney is closed for Christmas

Invest in a fireplace cover or a chimney guard to stop old St Nick in his tracks so he’ll have to turn right around and go ho ho home.

Time your exits

Naturally, you’re going to need some breaks from the festivities here and there. Knowing when to make your exit is crucial -  it’ll allow you to slip out for some ‘me time’ without too many complaints. We recommend sneaking off during the Queen’s speech or during the after-dinner slump.

Stage a powercut

When you get really desperate for everything Christmas to stop; the lights, the music, the movies, etc. sneaking over the fuse box and doing a little tampering will quietly put Christmas on hold for a while.

If you have any tips of your own for surviving the Christmas period, let us know by using #AlternativeChristmas over on Twitter and LinkedIn. We’ll be rewarding our favorite ideas with some festive non-festive treats.